Search Results for the-musicians-joke-book

Or perhaps choosing laughter is the only alternative to despair... Anyway, here is a truly great selection of jokes, quotes and stories from the world's second oldest profession. Enjoy!

Author: Jim Green

Publisher: Omnibus Press& Schirmer Trade Books

ISBN: 0825635063

Category: Humor

Page: 127

View: 272

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A side-splitting selection of one-liners, comic de¹nitions, yarns and witty quotes from the world of music. Most professions have their own jokes, but musicians seem to have more than their fair share. Perhaps itâs the insane travel schedule, the bad lodgings or just lack of sleep. But as Jim Green says in his introduction, â...itâs not surprising weâre a band apart (so to speak), outcasts who seek only our own company, rubbing two jokes together for warmth and trying to feel superior by sneering at one anotherâs abilities and personalities.â So maybe the reason musicians love poking fun at one another is nothing more than getting in first before everyone else does. Or perhaps choosing laughter is the only alternative to despair... Anyway, here is a truly great selection of jokes, quotes and stories from the worldâs second oldest profession. Enjoy!
2007 By Jim Green

Author: Michael Gillette

Publisher: Surrey, B.C. : New Media Video Concepts

ISBN: OCLC:43884780

Category: Music

Page: 40

View: 543

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Author: Susan L. Nigro

Publisher: R & E Pub

ISBN: 0882479210

Category: Humor

Page: 73

View: 916

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1992-01-01 By Susan L. Nigro

This authoritative collection of music jokes covers classical, pop, jazz, and folk--and everything from the truly stupid to the musically complex joke.

Author: Nancy Groce

Publisher: Schirmer Trade Books

ISBN: UCSD:31822025831686

Category: Music

Page: 121

View: 792

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This authoritative collection of music jokes covers classical, pop, jazz, and folk--and everything from the truly stupid to the musically complex joke. Illustrated with 19th and 20th century prints and photos, it includes one-liners, narrative jokes, bad puns, sick jokes, and all-time classics. This work will amuse everyone from amateur musicians to serious connoisseurs.
1996 By Nancy Groce

And, if you don't burst out laughing from at least one Musician joke in this book, there's something wrong with you. This book has so many Musician jokes, you won't know where to start. For example: Why do Musicians wear slip-on shoes?

Author: Mark Geoffrey Young

Publisher: CreateSpace

ISBN: 1478118814

Category: Humor

Page: 106

View: 331

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If you've ever heard a Jewish, Italian, Irish, Libyan, Catholic, Mexican, Polish, Norwegian, or an Essex Girl, Newfie, Mother-in-Law, or joke aimed at a minority, this book of Musician jokes is for you. In this not-so-original book, The Best Ever Book of Musician Jokes; Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who, Mark Young takes a whole lot of tired, worn out jokes and makes them funny again. The Best Ever Book of Musician Jokes is so unoriginal, it's original. And, if you don't burst out laughing from at least one Musician joke in this book, there's something wrong with you. This book has so many Musician jokes, you won't know where to start. For example: Why do Musicians wear slip-on shoes? You need an IQ of at least 4 to tie a shoelace. *** An evil genie captured a Musician and her two friends and banished them to the desert for a week. The genie allowed each person to bring one thing. The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn't die of thirst. The second friend brought an umbrella to keep the sun off. The Musician brought a car door, because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window! *** Did you hear about the Musician who wore two jackets when she painted the house? The instructions on the can said: "Put on two coats." *** Why do Musicians laugh three times when they hear a joke? Once when it is told, once when it is explained to them, and once when they understand it. ***
2012-07-16 By Mark Geoffrey Young

This is the best resource for program notes... concert spiels... to kill time while the bass player tunes up...or just for fun!

Author: Kevin M. Mitchell

Publisher: Larkin Pub

ISBN: 0972070222

Category: Humor

Page: 123

View: 519

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Humour.

Humour.

Author: Kevin M. Mitchell

Publisher:

ISBN: 0634082299

Category: Musicians

Page: 123

View: 342

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This collection of musical jokes is one of the funniest collections in the world! These jokes about music and musicians will make everyone giggle and erupt with laughter. This joke book is excellent for kids, children, teens, and adults.

Author: Johnny B. Laughing

Publisher:

ISBN: 1534718664

Category:

Page: 36

View: 199

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Funny Jokes About Music! Are you looking for the most funny and hilarious music jokes online? Do you want to dominate joke battles and be the funniest person around? This joke book will make you giggle for hours with some of the funniest jokes about music and musicians in the world. Including 100+ jokes! The Joke King is back with another hilarious joke book full of funny, laugh-out-loud, crazy comedy about music and musicians. These jokes are for children of all ages, teens, and adults. This joke book contains a ton of laugh out loud jokes! WARNING: You will laugh a lot! From this Funny Joke Book... Q: How is a heart like a musician? A: They both have a beat! HAHA! Q: What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin? A: You get light music. LOL! Q: Why did they arrest the musician? A: He got into treble. HAHA! Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door? A: The knocking always speeds up. LOL! Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the bagpipe recital. HAHA! Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion? A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion. Funny and hilarious music and musician jokes! Your musician friends might not think these jokes are that funny, but you will be rolling on the floor laughing. This collection of musical jokes is one of the funniest collections in the world! These jokes about music and musicians will make everyone giggle and erupt with laughter. This joke book is excellent for kids, children, teens, and adults. Johnny B. Laughing is the online comedy king! Scroll up and click 'buy' to start laughing today!
2016-06-20 By Johnny B. Laughing

The Musicians' Joke Book The Musicians' Joke Book -- - music n. A complex. A side-splitting selection of one-liners, comic definitions, shaggy dog stories and witty quotes from the world of music. Jim Green Pianos Why was the piano ...

Author: Jim Green

Publisher: Omnibus Press

ISBN: 9780857123695

Category: Humor

Page: 128

View: 994

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A side-splitting selection of one-liners, comic definitions, yarns and witty quotes from the world of music. Most professions have their own jokes, but musicians seem to have more than their fair share. Perhaps it's the insane travel schedule, the bad lodgings or just lack of sleep. But as Jim Green says in his introduction, "...it's not surprising we're a band apart (so to speak), outcasts who seek only our own company, rubbing two jokes together for warmth and trying to feel superior by sneering at one another's abilities and personalities." So maybe the reason musicians love poking fun at one another is nothing more than getting in first before everyone else does. Or perhaps choosing laughter is the only alternative to despair... Anyway, here is a truly great selection of jokes, quotes and stories from the world's second oldest profession. Enjoy! Q: What is the definition of perfect pitch in a piccolo? A: When you throw it in the toilet and it doesn't hit the rim. Q: What do you throw a drowning lead guitarist? A: His amp. Q: Why was the clarinetist staring at the orange juice bottle? A: Because the label said "concentrate." "I don’t know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." Elvis Presley
2010-06-07 By Jim Green

Perhaps because of this, musicians often tell jokes to pass the time. During the past few years, a “cycle” or “fad” of musician jokes has emerged. Some of these jokes are adaptations of generic stupid-people jokes, what folklorists ...

Author: N. J. Groce

Publisher: Omnibus Press

ISBN: 9781783234356

Category: Humor

Page: 121

View: 592

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The authoritative collection of music jokes, covering classical, pop, jazz, and folk, including everything from the truly stupid to the musically complex joke.
1996-10-15 By N. J. Groce

Author: Daniel George Theaker

Publisher: Sound & Vision Pub Limited

ISBN: 092015123X

Category: Humor

Page: 88

View: 867

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Daniel Theaker's A Working Musician's Joke Book is a compilation of the funniest and most popular music jokes today. From groaners to gut busters, these jokes really reflect the attitudes and personalities of people who make music for a living.

How do you get a guitarist to stop playing?

Author: Dave Marsh

Publisher: Macmillan

ISBN: 0312168594

Category: Humor

Page: 112

View: 773

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How do you get a guitarist to stop playing? Put sheet music in front of him. What do you call guys that hang out with musicians? Drummers. Here it is the dirty, the absurd, the witty side of rock and roll as it turns 50. The love of young America's music in its purest form: The Joke.
1997-09-15 By Dave Marsh

Poor Abraham Lincoln!

Author: Kathleen Krull

Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

ISBN: 9780547487922

Category: Juvenile Nonfiction

Page: 40

View: 412

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Poor Abraham Lincoln! His life was hardly fun at all. A country torn in two by war, citizens who didn’t like him as president, a homely appearance—what could there possibly be to laugh about? And yet he did laugh. Lincoln wasn’t just one of our greatest presidents. He was a comic storyteller and a person who could lighten a grim situation with a clever quip. This unusual biography of Lincoln highlights his life and presidency, focusing on what made his sense of humor so distinctive—and so necessary to surviving his tough life and times.
2010-04-01 By Kathleen Krull

While The Best Ever Guide to Demotivation for Musicians appears to be parody of motivational books, many employers have used this book to get their employees to work harder and increase their standing in the community.

Author: Mark Geoffrey Young

Publisher: Createspace Independent Pub

ISBN: 1484863674

Category: Humor

Page: 106

View: 686

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If you're looking to gain respect from your employees, increase your income and get more out of your friends, for you, The Best Ever Guide to Demotivation for Musicians is the book you're looking for. While The Best Ever Guide to Demotivation for Musicians appears to be parody of motivational books, many employers have used this book to get their employees to work harder and increase their standing in the community. Rather than showing you ways to motivate your employees so they'll want to work harder, this book show you how to use fear and intimidation to MAKE them work harder, and ensure that your friends give you the respect you think you deserve. Some of the ways you can use demotivation to get what you want include: *** Every Musician knows that meetings are a complete waste of time. Make yourself more efficient by turning up at every meeting fifteen minutes late, leaving early, and popping in and out while it's in progress. *** Maintain the distance between yourself, the Musician, and your friends by never smiling or saying hello to anybody. While this may appear rude, it's better than having to deal with their problems. *** Nobody gets a better deal at restaurants than Musicians. Before dividing up the bill, calculate your share and work out if it's cheaper to split the bill evenly, or for everybody to pay their own share. Do this every time to save the maximum amount possible. *** Install phones in every bathroom stall and above the urinals so your employees can continue working while they do their business. ***
2013-05-10 By Mark Geoffrey Young

Jokes about lawyers, the IRS, musicians, and more. Regional jokes, gender-related jokes, and assorted howlers and groaners. In short, this book is just what you need to brighten your day. Or someone else's.

Author: Garrison Keillor

Publisher: Penguin Group USA

ISBN: 1565113683

Category: Humor

Page: 176

View: 638

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Gathers the best jokes from the radio show's annual joke shows, in such categories as bar jokes, one-liners, lawyer jokes, Minnesota jokes, and puns.

The ultimate drummer joke book - why pick on blondes when there's a drummer handy? Written by Mikey Chlanda, a former drummer that used to hang out with musicians, this book contains nearly 100 true and not-so-true put-downs of drummers

Author: Mikey Chlanda

Publisher: Createspace Independent Publishing Platform

ISBN: 153085766X

Category:

Page: 24

View: 410

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The ultimate drummer joke book - why pick on blondes when there's a drummer handy? Written by Mikey Chlanda, a former drummer that used to hang out with musicians, this book contains nearly 100 true and not-so-true put-downs of drummers
2016-04-01 By Mikey Chlanda

Hannah & Rob's Little Book of Viola Jokes takes a look at that most popular of jokes in classical music circles.

Author: Robert Steadman

Publisher: Createspace Independent Publishing Platform

ISBN: 1724342614

Category:

Page: 98

View: 329

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Hannah & Rob's Little Book of Viola Jokes takes a look at that most popular of jokes in classical music circles. There's a "brief history" of the Viola Joke from Shakespeare right up to Jake the Dog, and then jokes about violas, jokes about viola players, jokes that might require a little bit of musical knowledge, a few slightly more grown-up jokes about violas and some jokes which work as stories. Then, at the end, to balance things out, there are a few jokes about other musicians! Robert Steadman is a composer and conductor while Hannah Borrill is a violinist, composer and..... viola player!
2018-08-05 By Robert Steadman

... ago I took her to a club with a three man combo , and the next night I caught her in bed with the three musicians . ... Two drunks were closing a bar one night when one The Unofficial Joke Book of Smart Couples • 77 "Hey mother, ...

Author: Billoo Badhshah

Publisher: Diamond Pocket Books (P) Ltd.

ISBN: 8189182471

Category:

Page: 128

View: 305

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An A-Z of Everything Funny! Brough Girling, John Byrne. Howdo musicians get paid? In har-money. HAT Whatdid thehat sayto the tie? You hang around while I go on ahead! HEAVEN Whatdidthe police man say when he got to heaven?

Author: Brough Girling

Publisher: Penguin UK

ISBN: 9780141963433

Category: Juvenile Nonfiction

Page: 320

View: 769

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A complete A - Z of hilarious jokes and gags to make you giggle. Arranged in alphabetical sections, this bumper book is packed full of the best (and very worst) jokes for every occasion!
2006-01-05 By Brough Girling

Puffin Books. What keeps jazz musicians grounded? Groovity. What can a lizard do that a snake can't? Stretch its legs. How many idiots does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? 20 – one to make the dough and nineteen to peel the M&Ms ...

Author: Puffin Books

Publisher: Penguin UK

ISBN: 9780141910901

Category: Juvenile Nonfiction

Page: 368

View: 300

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What is the definition of a snail?A slug with a crash helmet.What sound do hedgehogs make when they kiss?‘Ouch!’This is Puffin's biggest and best joke book ever created, possibly in the world! Packed with so many crazy jokes, including knock knocks, animal quackers and monster madness, you'll have a joke on hand for every occasion! Suitable for amusing your mates or reading on your own.
2007-08-02 By Puffin Books